Update Healing Journey: Week 13

Healing is such a process…it doesn’t even matter what you’re healing from. It could be an illness, an emotional trauma, anything. But I think in the midst of the healing it’s so easy to have your mind get off track and just wish for the end. I can honestly say these last few months have been the biggest roller coaster I have ever been on. Most days I’m really good-I have my eyes set on God, I’m positive and know that He has a plan for me.  But I’m human, I have moments where I’m stressed, where I’m longing for “normal” again.  And that’s when I try my best to run back to Jesus and to get my heart in the right place again.

I started reading Ecclesiastes earlier this week. Chapter 3 says

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate”

I focused in on the bolded line…how much I want to be done healing is nothing compared to God’s timeline for me. He knows what I’m going through. He knows the pain physically and emotionally, and praise Him that He turns it into hope and bliss. Yesterday I was having a really hard day emotionally. I was fed up with my body, I was having allergic reactions to literally everything I put in my mouth. I didn’t understand why and I didn’t feel like anyone understood what I was going through. At this point I know that this is more than just a leaky gut and some yeast overgrowth. My body is attacking itself with everything I eat, and I still don’t know why. And even though I don’t have that specific answer yet, God did answer a prayer. He put someone’s story in front of me to show me that people do understand. People have gone through exactly what I have gone through, whether it’s a lesser or greater extent. Blogs are the best things ever…you get to communicate with the whole world and God can use that. This girl that made me feel not alone was a blogger, and she was an answer to my prayer.

For an update on my health and life: I have just finished working my first full week on the floor as a nurse.  With all of this going on God really has comes through. He’s not going to give me a shift without providing me the energy and focus I need for my patients (even with all the night shifts I’ve been getting). I have been excited to be on the floor and have been able to do what I needed to do.  I am on my second weeks of supplements to get rid of any SIBO, candida or parasites that are in my body and seal the gut lining. I have increased some things in my diet such as more veggies, however with everything I eat I still have cramps, bloating, and autoimmune reactions such as a swelling throat. I’m fatigued and emotionally all over the place, however most of the time I can bring it back to God and find peace and rest in Him. He brings comfort, He brings purpose, He holds the knowledge that I will never understand on this earth. I know that this diagnosis is not over. I have some tests in place to be taken and also some theories of my own of what all of this could be, but I will (well try my hardest haha) to be patient and to rest in God’s timing. After all “For everything there is a season and a time to heal.”

 

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